Add These 6 Small Things in Your Relationship and You Will See a Big Difference

It was just the other day when my husband told me “you haven’t smiled at me today, what did I do to you?” that I realized that he was right.

I hadn’t smiled for a whole day. He was defensive. I had my reasons for not smiling

My toddler was sick and up all night.

I had to get up early in the morning. And deal with a moody adolescent. And then get the twins ready for school. And then go on with all the stuff I had to do. Plus, I had to deal with a painfully stiff neck. I snapped at my husband a couple of times. I raised my voice for no good reason.

You could say my day wasn’t great.

It was nobody’s fault in particular. Just one of these days.

His question made me stop and think about my contribution to this situation. I wasn’t smiling. That’s just not me. I realized that I was not mindful. I was going through the motions, trying to do all the stuff that needed to be done, without paying any attention to my thoughts or feelings. It turned out that clenching your teeth in order to do what you have to do doesn’t work. Smiling gets you a long way; lifts your mood and that of the people around you. Because, after all, it’s the small stuff that makes a big difference in your daily life.

Here is my list of the small things that make a big difference in relationships

1. Smile

Start your day saying “good morning” to your partner with a smile. This sets the mood for the day. It’s a manner of reconnecting with each other and a subtle promise that you intend this to be a nice day.

2. Give your partner a hand squeeze

Physical touch of any kind facilitates the release of oxytocin, the love hormone that helps people feel good in the presence of others and bond emotionally. By holding hands, touching, stroking hair, or even giving high fives, you connect you to your partner.

3. Compliment your partner

What was the last time you complimented your partner about something? You can compliment them about the obvious, such as their looks, their body, and their general appearance. You can also choose to give specific compliments that show you believe in them, that you acknowledge their efforts, and you value how they make you feel.

4. Say thank you about something specific they did

Make it a habit to notice the little things that your partner does and thank them for that. Even if it’s their chore to do the laundry or mow the lawn, you can compliment them for “folding my t-shirts just as if they came straight from the store”, or “making the backyard look so beautiful.” Be careful! If something wasn’t done up to your standards, still thank them. Still notice that they tried. That’s all that matters- noticing the effort and sending positive vibes.

5. Look your partner in the eye and tell them “I’m listening”

How many times do we have conversations about important or unimportant things while at the same time texting, browsing the internet or buying somehow occupied with our smartphones? Change that. Put your phone down and look your partner in the eye, simply stating “I’m listening.” This is a profound act of human connection.

6. Do something nice for your partner, for no reason

It doesn’t matter what it is, or how big it is. The idea is that you do spontaneously something for your partner- just because. Pick something that your partner likes or appreciates and do this for them. From offering a cup of coffee to giving them a foot massage, anything nice for them goes a long way.

Why the little things matter big time?

The little things matter a lot and make a big difference because they are part of everyday life. These are the instances you can capitalize on and build upon in order to have a positive impact on your relationship. They accumulate on a daily basis and make the present a lot more beautiful. You don’t have to wait for the special occasion to do something nice. Nice becomes your daily life.

The little things matter because they show you care. All good relationships are based on mutual caring. You don’t need public declarations of love, special parties, or vacations to show you care. Rather, caring is embedded in daily routines and life together. Make this togetherness strong by showing to your partner that you care about them, their well-being, their happiness.

The little things you do show that your partner matters to you. Actions speak louder than words. By choosing to invest on your daily life together, doing these little things it’s a loud statement that your partner matters to you. We choose to act nicely and kindly to people who matter to us. When you treat your partner kindly and show them they are important to you, you also set the tone of how you want to be treated as well.

The little things convey respect. Adding to your day random acts of kindness toward your partner and your relationship shows that you respect who and what you have. Acknowledging, appreciating, and feeling grateful for the other person shows respect. Respect is fundamental in a relationship, as it feeds deeper connection and well-being.

The little things you do convey a willingness to invest in the relationship. After all, relationships don’t run on automatic pilot. Good relationships need tending, investing in them your time, effort, a piece of you. When you act on your intentions, those intentions become your reality. Dreaming of a good relationship and hoping that one day you will have one is not enough. To get there you need to take action. What matters is the little things you do now, today, to have a great relationship.

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